Trust as Acceptance

Trust because you are willing to accept the risk, not because it is safe or certain. Ritu Ghatourey

My good friend is in the hospital, having come through two critical operations. As I held her hand last night she would drift in and out. “It’s about trust, isn’t it?”, she said.

She had a difficult time agreeing to this surgery even though her condition was so life-threatening as to have the rest of us on edge with concern. When she suddenly threw herself into the process with enthusiasm we were all relieved.

One could say that her fear of dying overcame her fear of being killed in the process of being healed. She would say that she let go of fear and decided to trust.

And I believe her.

I stroked her hand and we talked about how hard it is to trust. How difficult it is to recognize that we have no control. How easy it is to acknowledge that we have no control of outcome and how difficult it is to actually believe this life truth.

Life may not be easy when we accept. And it may be easier. At the very least the suffering of anxiety is left behind.

Life Student

Barriers to Love

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”
― Rumi

My biggest barrier to love is my fear.

Fear of being unworthy.

Fear of being foolish.

Fear of being wrong.

Fear of being judged.

Fear of being rejected.

I could go on and on.

Life Student

Be Still and Know…

It’s hard to get at the root of fear.  My sister and I have looked at it from all directions as her surgery time approaches. I reassure her with what our father told us; that if we are panicky, it is a false fear.  If it is real, God gives us the grace to see anything through.

My sister and I are also blessed with a family “knowing” that assures us or warns us, according to the knowledge. Although I have no strong feelings about this surgery, my sister “knows” she will be fine. And she has trouble believing what she feels when the anxiety hits.

And so we examine the fear.

Fear of death.

Fear of change by stroke or other impairment as a result of the surgery.

Fear of how life can change in a split second.

The greatest fear is of destruction of faith.  Not that our faith demands the outcome we seek. In our world, faith must carry the acceptance that we don’t always know what is the best outcome. There are times when our Higher Power has more answers than we have.

What is inconceivable for either of us is to contemplate the loss of our true compass.  Our knowing. That if, in fact, my sister’s self-assurance is wrong, then her life has lost the inner direction that has guided her infallibly in the times when she paid attention.

I am feeling the despair in her fear.  It is the bleak glimpse of chaos.

We must conquer fear and believe.

Life Student