It’s hard to get at the root of fear. My sister and I have looked at it from all directions as her surgery time approaches. I reassure her with what our father told us; that if we are panicky, it is a false fear. If it is real, God gives us the grace to see anything through.
My sister and I are also blessed with a family “knowing” that assures us or warns us, according to the knowledge. Although I have no strong feelings about this surgery, my sister “knows” she will be fine. And she has trouble believing what she feels when the anxiety hits.
And so we examine the fear.
Fear of death.
Fear of change by stroke or other impairment as a result of the surgery.
Fear of how life can change in a split second.
The greatest fear is of destruction of faith. Not that our faith demands the outcome we seek. In our world, faith must carry the acceptance that we don’t always know what is the best outcome. There are times when our Higher Power has more answers than we have.
What is inconceivable for either of us is to contemplate the loss of our true compass. Our knowing. That if, in fact, my sister’s self-assurance is wrong, then her life has lost the inner direction that has guided her infallibly in the times when she paid attention.
I am feeling the despair in her fear. It is the bleak glimpse of chaos.
We must conquer fear and believe.