Category Archives: The False Power of Ego

Living in Community

When Pema Chodron talks about shenpa, she refers to living intimately with others.

Her teachings have made me aware that my irritations are my own issues. My knowledge of this human response keeps me aware of the lessons I would like to learn instead of thinking that I must teach someone else.

“Aha!” she says as she lives with four other women for a month.

This pleasure trip could have become a nightmare if I had mindlessly and habitually closed my heart and opened my mouth. Instead, it has been a wonderful practice. My moments of irritation, self-righteousness, and assumed martyrdom were contained within my thoughts long enough to sift a bit of ego from the mix before pouring out respect and consideration when I finally spoke.

I feel encouraged. Not because I did it perfectly (Not!), but because I was aware of the pitfalls much of the time. I was happy to have remembered Pema’s words when I began to shrink into the seclusion of resentment. It helped me to make my times of isolation short and the joys of sharing more bountiful.

Once again, thank you, Pema.

The Student

Advertisements

Leave a comment

Filed under Pema Chodron, The False Power of Ego

Asking Myself…

P1010592.JPG“I want to sing like the birds sing, not worrying about who hears or what they think.”
― Rumi

I have no fear of dying. This has been my assertion since 2007. I have discovered that it is partially true.

What comes after death does not concern me. Whether I term it eternity in the Christian sense or regard death as another phase in my soul’s journey, I am at peace with it. Do I believe in reincarnation? Well, I don’t disbelieve. Do I believe in heaven? Maybe, maybe not. This is not a puzzle for me that needs an answer.

However, as I let my thoughts turn inward and reflect another truth, I recognize that I fear not being here. Not because of any worry about the other side, but because of what I may or may not leave behind. My ego steps up and cries out for assurance. Will you think kindly of me? Have I done my life’s work? Is my life contract ready to be stamped with a sign of approval?

This discovery about myself is going to take some more thought. I need to pour it out, scatter it around and reassemble it in ways that I understand before I let it slip through my fingers.

The Student

4 Comments

Filed under Rumi, Self-Acceptance Project, The False Power of Ego

Desperately Seeking Approval

I am astounded.  My self-discovery is taking me on voyages into the uncharted waters of my life.

I have read Deepak Chopra for years.  He constantly asks me to strive for self-referral. Oprah’s lesson is the False Power of Ego. And Eckhart Telle would also have much to say about ego: the need for the control, the need for approval, and the need to judge.  (Some of that for another day.)

What do I have to say to myself?  How did it take you so long to figure this one out?

When I have been forced to evaluate the difference in who I want to be and how I want to live in juxtaposition to how I have been doing just that, it requires a hard look at why.

I have tried to blame it on everyone and everything.  The truth is simply that I am constantly on the lookout for what others are thinking and feeling.  If there are various groups and I can’t please everyone, I suppose I please the group most like my own tribe.  After all, that’s where I have lived all these years.

When I write “pleaser”, another mini-shock ripples through my psyche.  In all my years of calling myself a pleaser, I have never looked at it from the viewpoint of seeking approval.  Rather, I have felt that pleasing was some sort of subjugation of my own needs in order to serve those of others.  I may not have thought it was a good thing…but I didn’t get that it would never work.

Then, after all of that pleasing,  I vainly been trying to figure out how to “take care of myself”.

What a tedious waste of time!

I know that it’s all interrelated and  I am gobsmacked by the intense resonation that I have hit on something big in my life.

I have foundered on the shore of approval.

The Student

3 Comments

Filed under Deepak Chopra, Eckhart Tolle, The False Power of Ego