Life Pursuits

A friend expressed her confusion about how to be happy. I told her that I don’t pursue happiness. Contentment? Peace? Acceptance? Yes. Throw in joy when available and I am happy.

So then I am wondering…do I pursue any of these? I don’t think so. And still, perhaps, I call it by different names.

Well, I don’t think I can chase joy. It comes to  me unbidden. I can only open myself to the moments as they open themselves to me. I am grateful for it and  revel in joy when it comes.

And meaning in life is very important to me. Is my sorting anc culling of what is important in a day a pursuit of meaning? Or does my great pleasure in learning indicate that I am pursuing knowledge in search of some answer? When I corral my errant mind to the present moment and practic mindfulness, am I chasing after peace?

Is all of this the pursuit of happiness?

Life Student

 

 

Faith…and When I Have It

It’s easy to have faith when all is going well, isn’t it?

The sun is shining. My day moves smoothly from coffee with a friend to reading or weeding in my yard…either is as good as the other… and then the trials come (this year it is health issues).  Worry and concern move into gear.

What should I be doing? What if the doctor is wrong? Why am I not getting better? What should I be doing?

Around and around.

It isn’t so much concern over the prognosis. And it isn’t just the question of what path to follow toward wholeness, I get totally involved in micromanaging medical issues which are far beyond knowledge and expertise – no matter how much I listen to advice and read. It all raises an additional question of where to place my faith.

My meditation becomes rife with mind chatter. In some cases I can’t even get to the garden variety menu planning as I sit, visibly calm, invisibly on the high wire. I perserverate on what I will say, what I will do, what I should remember, and what is the worst-case scenario.

It’s always “worst case” in the middle of the night.

That’s why I loved a recent Super Soul Sunday interview between Oprah and Jon Kabat-Zinn*. It brought me back to mindfulness of what I have right now. I don’t know why I always need the reminder that this moment is all that I ever have, but I’m grateful each time I get the nudge.

His additional message was to trust those who I have engaged to take care of my health.  Then I can use my energy to stay calm and do the best for myself without worrying about their process. I needed that!

I can have faith in the process of life and living each moment of it.

The Student

*A pioneer in the field of mindfulness for stress reduction and health benefits.

 

 

Destiny

As your desire is, so is your will. As your will is, so is your deed. As your deed is, so is your destiny.

– Brihadaranyaka Upanishad (IV.4.5)  

Ah…to think that i my destiny may be nurured in the arms of my unacknowledged desires. That I may not even be aware of what drives me toward it.

This possibility exists because desire is  powerful. It is not my everyday want or wish. It isn’t a random thought that passes through my mind, “Oh, that would be nice…”

Desires are more than that. They are the secrets of my soul that I sometimes tamp down to do what I “should”. They can be buried in my words and actions that continually repeat, “i can’t”.

So then I wonder what it takes to crack me open and let my destiny beome reality. How many layers must I peel away before the shell of my structured life is vulnerable enough to break open – until my essence spills from my clutched fists and allows me to be who I must ultimately be.

Life Student