Your opinion is your opinion, your perception is your perception–do not confuse them with “facts” or “truth”. Wars have been fought and millions have been killed because of the inability of men to understand the idea that EVERYBODY has a different viewpoint. John Moore
I’m wondering when my opinions become the strongest. Or more to the point – when am I the most vociferous about them?
Many of my opinions are strong. Although I no longer see most things in black and white, I still veer toward the more intense colors of any subject. What, however, looses my tongue and makes me argumentative about them?
Alcohol, of course.
Anger, when aroused can create some heated arguments.
Fear, which is the basis of anger anyway.
Last night I could hear my ideas flying about like razors even as my friends gently leaned away from me. And so I spent my go-to-sleep drowse and my wake-up-thoughts coming to understand my behavior. I must be compassionate with myself and not spiral into self-denigration.
I have been a little bit ill too long without answers. My energy is beaten down. My confidence is shaken. Fear trembles beneath the surface of the unanswered questions. Anger bubbles up in defense.
I owe some apologies this morning.
“Knowledge is learning something every day. Wisdom is letting go of something every day.” – Zen Prover
I am impressed once more with the power of letting go. I forget that I have that power.That when I release myself from frustration and stop struggling. The struggle ends.
Sometimes it makes life so easy. Then I wonder why I cared so much. I’m puzzled by my tenacity in wasting precious moments of my life trying to do what won’t work for me.
One of two things happens when I move away from it.
1. It flows easily in its own pattern, works in its own way and accomplishes more than I could have dreamed. 2. It becomes unimportant. Its value was a fabrication in my hardened mind.
I can’t pretend that leaving the struggle behind will make my life easy. But I know that struggling makes it harder.
My husband asked me why I must leave.
Why would I take myself from everything comfortable to a more primitive life where I must carry some of my personal necessities in order to live a semblance of my normal life?
Why would I leave my loving circle of friends and family to live in a place where I am known, but I’m not a part of the life. I have acquaintances but there is a language barrier to having a communicative friendship.
Why would I leave my house with all of it’s conveniences and luxuries (which I love), to go to a place where I am constantly sweeping dust, swatting mosquitoes and heating water on the stove to wash my dishes and/or my underwear by hand?
It’s simple and sad.
I have not learned well to be myself. I cannot release my dependency on and responsibility for the people in my life who I love and cherish. I must remove myself to be myself.
I’m working on that.