Promises (on a bad day)

“…I have promises to keep,    

I am a woman who keeps her word. I pride myself on that. When I can’t come through, I try to get my apologies in early. My friends think of me as dependable if not always punctual. My promise is a solemn oath.

Except those promises I make to myself.

And it’s true that once one promise is broken, it’s easier to break the next one.   The question reverberates in the emptiness. Am I taking any steps toward a better, healthier, more loving self?

Maybe. But what come to mind are circular pathways going nowhere. Talking. Listening. Judging, (Oops!) Listening. Planning. (Oops, again!) Listening. Judging. (Damn) Listening. Talking.

Knowing I need to lose weight for my health: Eating. Sleeping. Lying in bed in the morning feeling thin. (Yes!) Pulling the scale from beneath the cabinet. Looking at the numbers. (Uh-oh…) Stepping off. Taking off my T-shirt. (That’s better.) Stepping back on. Seeing the same number for the third day. (How can this be?) Eating.

Lounging on the chair next to a stack of “have-to-read” books, doing the third Sudoku of the morning. (Time for my walk.). Feeling the cool morning air turn from refreshing to stale. (Oh no, it’s getting hot!) Drinking coffee. (I’ve GOT to go.) Loosening my shoelaces. (What a LOSER!) Lounging in the chair starting another Sudoku.

Making a list. (I’m all about organization.) Sorting and arranging the papers on my desk. (I didn’t pay what?) Assembling the garden tools. (Hell with the weeds, I think I’ll move that…) Searching the recipe drawer. (Maybe leftovers tonight.) Pulling the vacuum cleaner from the closet. (I’ll just rest a minute.) Watching Dr. Oz. Changing the date on the list.

…and miles to go before I sleep.” Robert Frost

The Student

 

 

 

 

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Filed under Self-Acceptance Project, Self-examination

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