My ego loves to ask the question, “Do I matter?”
It doesn’t come right out with it. The question is hidden cleverly in my indignance when I feel slighted. It lurks under my uncertainty when my son doesn’t answer my texts or my grandchildren seem respectful rather than loving as they run through the house on their way…
Last week I wasted many hours feeling self-righteous about the poor manners of my neighbor. Oh, I worked my way out of resentment. But there were a lot of wasted conversations in my head until I made it through.
Even at the end of it all when I had come to peace with the situation – realizing that there are times when it is best to take deep breaths and let it go; I didn’t recognize that subtle question.
It all came down to the fact that she didn’t see me as important enough to have deserved courtesy. I didn’t matter to her.
When I recognize it, I can flip it. I understand that life is about what matters, not whether I matter. My inner compass points my way in life if I listen. Searching for approval may sidetrack me, but it is not my path.