I am rarely in resistance mode when in retreat. Interesting…
Does this mean that I am only happy when I can do exactly what I choose without interference and without opposition?
Does this mean that I am not doing anything worthwhile when I am alone and away from my scheduled life?
Does it mean that I work better without a schedule? Well, yes. It does. I am the most happy and productive when I am following my nose.
And I have not yet found a way to live this way in my daily life when not in retreat. For me, life involves commitment. Although I no longer work for pay, I still have responsibilities…jobs, if you will.
I’m wondering, though, if much of my scheduling is self-imposed. Perhaps I would get dinner on the table even if I didn’t decide what time I MUST begin. Perhaps in my volunteer job I could be more spontaneous in my visitations.
I’m not sure.
Daily life in community seems to involve some commitment and a part of that is to create a timetable that works for others as well as myself.
The answer will be, I think, somewhere in the realm of looking forward to commitments once they are made instead of allowing my automatic resistance to sully the experiences. Attitude will make the difference.
It will also involve acceptance.
And, as usual, I will remember to be grateful that I am healthy and active and capable of doing the things I do and that I am important in the lives of the people who are important to me.