Loving Who Is

Relationship challenges don’t disappear.  I have a difficult person in my life and because I can’t walk away from family I must continually dive back in, difficult or not. And if I walk my own talk, I must love the people I love and accept them for who they are.

In my self-examination before the next go-around, I believe I have discovered something. I have always acknowledged that I am at least half of the problem, now I may need to claim more responsibility.

So where does the difficulty lie?

It lies in seeing  disagreement as combativeness instead of being a peace with my own beliefs.

It lies in my insecurities when I am questioned. I’m not confident enough to remain calm.

It lies in defensiveness; in believing I must defend my own and others beliefs and behaviors rather than standing peacefully with my own values and releasing the illusions of control of others.

It lies in my sense of responsibility for the wrongs in the family and in the world when they are flung at me. I could better use my energy to validate the pain instead of rationalizing and taking on the guilt.

It lies in nursing my own hurt rather than recognizing it in those I love.

Today I hope to gird myself with love and acceptance. I want to deeply comprehend what I have always believed: people who seem unlovable just need more love.

It’s a challenge.


Filed under When we know better, we do better

4 responses to “Loving Who Is

  1. I’m working on this one as well. I don’t think I have come to that place of being able to say like you have – people who seem unlovable just need more love. I’m going to walk with you on this one step by step. Thank you for sharing what you have discovered within yourself in understanding why it has been difficult. For me, it lies in my sense of justice which I feel has been wronged. It lies in me learning to draw boundaries which still allows for unity in the family. It lies in learning compassion and to see the person from a place of inner strength and not fear. Thank you so much. I think of you often.

    I tried to click on your link when you leave a comment on my page but it leads to a dead end, somehow. And when I google My Life Class, I can’t seem to locate it. So I have now bookmarked your blog specially so that I can always find you and catch up. Many hugs, Sharon

    • Life Student

      Sharon, I wish I could claim success. I still believe the “unlovable” bit to be true, I am just challenged to stay loving and calm when I am under attack. I cannot seem to delineate between my responsibility to be a loving family member and the separation that is necessary from toxic behavior. Boundaries! Boundaries! I wish I knew the difference between boundaries and distance.

      More meditation and study required here!

  2. Oh, I too believe that until we are able to shift our focus on judgement to seeing what is loveable in the other one, the rest is just attempts to put out the fire at best or then hypocrisy at worst. It’s just that process I’m still working on. 😀 A friend just recently sent me a short article on boundaries which I thought made very good sense. Let me go look it up and see if I could post it here for you. A wonderful day to you my dear!! Sharon

    • Life Student

      This is an ongoing issue for me. How to practice acceptance and at the same time have boundaries. I would love to read anything you feel is valuable.

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