In the split second that I look at my friend and think, “How could she?”, I am creating a distance.
When I scoff to myself and think, “I wouldn’t…”, I am lying to myself.
When I (easily) get in this mode I remember Maya Angelou’s assertion in her Master Class. It resonated with me and chastened me when she said that if we are human, we can’t possibly say we wouldn’t do what a human being has done.
Of course, my mind immediately went to the serial killer who took my niece’s life. It went to the child molester.
What I should be considering is my day-to-day life and my judgement about the people I love.
I know this lesson well. I know that if someone irritates me, I should look carefully at myself to recognize the behavior in myself. I’ve written about it before and know that I will again.
And how far is the gap between judgment and love? How difficult is it to bridge the rushing river of critical thoughts which lets me to think I can do better? Or that my friend should do better?
The truth lies in loving myself first. In being so sure that I am a cherished child of God and the universe that I needn’t put myself ahead or behind. That I needn’t feel sure that I am better…or worse. That I needn’t compare myself and come up ahead. I needn’t compare myself at all.
Perhaps it will be nirvana when I can smile at my friend and wish her well with no thought to change her, correct her, or hope for better things.
Or it will be true love.