Certainty

Life PathLife was simpler when I was sure.

I was imbued with a staunch confidence from which I spouted my opinions and discounted those of anyone who disagreed with me.  Sadly, I have a quick mind and a sharp tongue, so I took some pride in leveling my opponents.

So life was simpler, perhaps, but not easier.  I very rarely had internal peace.  At times I would carry disquiet and vague discomfort with me for hours or days or weeks after my certainty had galvanized me into regrettable action.

How could I not defend my position?  How could I not try to convince people to follow the RIGHT path?  My path.

In those days I knew my path.  It wasn’t a winding track with the next few steps hidden by overhanging questions.  It wasn’t soft on the sides with leafy branches of thought leading to unknown destinations.  In those days it was straight.  It was sure.

This sureness can still rise up and imprison me.  On those fearful days I lock myself into a position of self-protection.  I can’t move forward.  I no longer wish to move back.  And so I wait and hope that nothing goads me into action.  If that happened  I might revert to my sad former self and engage in righteous and wrong arguments in which everyone would lose.

Those are the days when I must be alone and wait for my uncertainty to return.

A Life Student

 

 

This was originally posted on Vision and Verb, an international gathering of Women.

Advertisements

Leave a comment

Filed under Living our best life, Step 4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves., Step 5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s